I have restated my thesis a little AGAIN.
My thesis is now,
The fact that minor gender identities are being discriminated by the society for identifying themselves in the gender they feel comfortable is unethical, hence, there is a need for the society to have a more flexible and accepting attitude towards gender, as there are more that two types of gender categories in the world.
Firstly, I will explain the fact that there are differences between sex, gender and gender identity.
This will explain concept of gender minorities.
I will then explain the types of genders humans self identitfy in and the issues each type faces.
Lastly, I will explain why they face these issues and the effects which will help me explain why there is a need for the society to have a more flexible and accepting attitude towards gender.
In conclusion, I will sum up the idea that gender is broad and should not have limitations, it is natural to not be able to associate with the gender / sex one is, and is necessary for the world to understand this and change their views towards gender minorities.
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Your suggested writing plan makes sense to me. I see this essay as having a rhetorical style more in line with what I understand to be a typically Japanese approach to argumentation in that the path to making the argument winds through a garden of explanation, inviting the reader to arrive at the same conclusion the author intends rather than "going for the jugular" as is common in English argumentation, but as I say, the basic plan appears sensible. Please continue according to this writing plan.
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